160-Godless Killing Machines – Alaska

Stephen Colbert is correct when he calls bears (godless killing machines without a soul) the #1 threat to humanity. These creatures aren’t the “smarter than the average bear” Yogi wanting to share an afternoon picnic with Ranger Rick and Boo Boo, they are garbage eating, house attacking, creatures of the night. Check this out:

Last night I was in bed and heard my neighbor Bill (who lives in the apartment below me) start yelling “bear” at the top of his lungs. Other neighbors came running of their apartments down the street and excitement ensued. Bill and his wife were getting ready for bed when they heard some noise coming from their living room. As Bill entered the living room he saw a 300 pound eight foot high black bear outside his living room picture window. The bear had been standing up pushing on the window trying to break the glass and get in. His paw prints on the window were at 6 – 7 feet indicating this was a big boy. Bill sacred him away from the building and the bear ran across the backyard, stopped and turned to show Bill who was boss by standing up and dragging his claws down the side of a large tree. Bill chased him into the forest and the attack was over.

Moose were previously in the backyard and I was told that since I lived in the city proper and on university property surrounded by shopping centers and other houses, bears wouldn’t be a problem. These locals were wrong. I wanted an adventure here in Alaska, but this is turning up the heat way too soon.

jellystoneYogi kill me? Naw. He only wants to snuggle with Ranger Rick.

colbertNever thought I’d believe this guy.

bear2I look so friendly, but will eat you if I can.

bear1Godless killing machines without a soul.