The classic American tourist was spotted in Anchorage this last week. Having been on the endangered list for may years, it was thought that the species had become extinct. Upon hearing of the new sighting, travel experts immediately organized an effort to catch, tag, and release this lone surviving male of the species in hopes of discovering the whereabouts of others that could be captured and put in a selective breeding program. Tourism has had a downturn in many local communities. It is hoped that this selective breeding program will use targeted mating to gradually raise the frequency of the desired performance trait of spending a lot of money on useless things in far away places. The witness protection program is active in Alaska.